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Post by J180 on Mar 14, 2009 13:31:29 GMT 1
A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked - return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose. The husband says 'Feck me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
His funeral is this Thursday
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Mar 15, 2009 2:51:34 GMT 1
a mum was cleaning her 12 year old son's bedroom and finds a load of bondage gear and fetish magazines.she asks her husband what to do.husband says am not sure but whatever you do DONT f**kING SPANK HIM ;D
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Post by dimples on Mar 20, 2009 11:24:56 GMT 1
A Japanese woman was having sex and accidentally farted. She said "Oh me so sorry, you make front hole so happy, back hole blow you a kiss!"....
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Post by dimples on Mar 20, 2009 11:28:34 GMT 1
2 gay men in a car on M1 when a lorry shunts them from the back. The gay passenger furiously gets out of the car goes straight to the truckers door, flings it open and hands on hips shouts at the trucker "I'm soo gonna sue your ass" The trucker replies "Suck my co*k nancy-boy!!!" The gay rushes back to the car and says to his chum- "good news Ive settled out of court!!"
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Post by andrewmgan1976 on Mar 23, 2009 11:18:52 GMT 1
Elizabeth Fritzl attended court this morning having eaten a full English breakfast,
Pity nobody told her she still had daddy's sauce round her mouth.
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Apr 17, 2009 13:20:02 GMT 1
Joseph Fritzel was doing really well on Family Fortunes until he was asked to name a place to take your kids for a nice treat. ... unfortunately "Up the shitter" wasn't the top answer.
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Post by andrewmgan1976 on Apr 17, 2009 14:30:44 GMT 1
Man and his son are standing at the ATM, the woman in front is overweight with a huge fat arse, her pager starts beeping and the wee boy says for fuke sake dad run, it's reversing!!!!!
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Post by andrewmgan1976 on Apr 17, 2009 14:31:52 GMT 1
Paddy and Mick are walking down the street and see a pitbull licking it's balls. Paddy says wish to fook I could do that, mick says you better clap it first!
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Post by barndoor on Apr 17, 2009 15:43:01 GMT 1
Pakistan Earthquake
Reuters Newsflash..................
Rescuers in Pakistan have this morning confirmed that the number of dead so far is over 30,000 people and is still rising..........they will attempt to enter a third house this morning.
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Post by gavster on Apr 17, 2009 15:55:22 GMT 1
a man shagging his new girlfriend notices a photo of another man on her bedside table "whos that your ex husband?"
"no" she replies
"ex boyfriend?"
"no" she replied
"your dad or brother"
"no" she replied
" well who the fook is it then?" he says
she replies "me six months ago"
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Post by gavster on Apr 17, 2009 15:57:42 GMT 1
homeowners are been warned about keys that can open 73% of doors 84% of cars and 92% of padlocks
they are called dar-keys pak-keys and ching-keys
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Post by gavster on Apr 17, 2009 15:59:03 GMT 1
i know the price of food is exspensive but fook me u'll have to dig deep if you want an italian!
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Post by gavster on Apr 17, 2009 16:01:14 GMT 1
6 polish men were arrested in bradford for beating the fook out of a group of pakis i dont know they come over here and take all the best jobs!
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Post by barndoor on Apr 17, 2009 18:11:11 GMT 1
The Danish newspaper editor who enraged muslims by printing a cartoon has apologised and said it was never his intention to upset the muslim people.
His new book "Allah is a cunt" goes on sale tomorrow.
Shit myself last night. I was at the airport having a beer when a f**king muslim rushed in screaming
allah allah allah allah alava can on of coke and a bag of nuts please.
Stuttering bastard
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Post by andrewmgan1976 on Apr 18, 2009 19:13:19 GMT 1
You might hate paedophiles..... But at least they drive slowly past schools
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