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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 15:53:51 GMT 1
White husband in delivery room, midwife hands him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asks. "Probably" he replies "She fookin burns everything"
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 16:02:05 GMT 1
Was in a pub in North London last week watching Spurs on TV. When they lose the landlords dog goes apeshit ripping the bar to pieces. "Fook me" I said "What does it do when they win?" "Don't know mate" says landlord "I've only had him 6 months"
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Oct 24, 2008 16:37:40 GMT 1
what sexual position do u have to be into make the most ugliest kid?....ask ur parents ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 16:39:15 GMT 1
Man to wife: What would you do if I won the lottery? Wife: I'd take half and leave you. Man: Good, I got 3 numbers last night, here's a fiver now fook off ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 16:49:59 GMT 1
Man goes to see a wizard and says "Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?" "Maybe" says the wizard "If you can remember the exact words used to put the curse on you initially". The man replies without hesitation "I now pronounce you husband & wife" ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 16:55:59 GMT 1
40 Scousers arrive at heavens gates. St Peter says "We've only got room for 12 of you so decide amongst yourselves whose coming in" 5 minutes later St Peter goes in to see God and says "They've gone" God asks "All 40 of them?" "No" says Peter "The fookin gates" ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 16:58:55 GMT 1
Five giveaway signs that you are suitable for the Taliban:
1) You have more wives than teeth 2) You own a £50000 rocket launcher but cannot afford shoes 3) You refine heroin but have a moral objection to beer 4) You think vests are made in 2 styles, bullet proof & suicide 5) You wipe your arse with your bare hand but consider bacon unclean!
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:16:11 GMT 1
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate do you think ..... a) you need to spend more time together b) she's a prude or c) she should sit somewhere else on the bus
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:17:46 GMT 1
Boy walks in on Mum & Dad having sex, he asks "What are you doing?" dad replies "Making you a little brother or sister" Kid says "Do her doggy style, I want a puppy"
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:19:26 GMT 1
A Chinese couple have become the first to have an albino baby. It just goes to show 2 Wongs can make a white ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:20:56 GMT 1
A Scientist has invented a bra for joggers that stops boobs bouncing up and down and nipples sticking out when its cold. His colleagues have kicked his head in. ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:22:27 GMT 1
A vicar books into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled" Receptionist looks disgusted "No its just normal porn you sick bastard!"
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:24:00 GMT 1
I got an invite to the annual dinner of the Premature Ejaculation Society. I asked them if there was a dress code, they said "No, just come in yer pants" ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:28:33 GMT 1
When Bob was asked if he preferred breast or legs, he told the stranger that he had a particular fondness for shaven fannies. He was then told by the stranger that wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Oct 24, 2008 17:36:15 GMT 1
Fella walks into his local and orders 10 double scotch. Barman pours them and the man necks each one. Barman asks "Whats up mate?" fella replies "I got home early from work and walked in on my best friend shagging my wife" Barman says "Shit what did you do?" Fella says "I threw all her stuff out of the window and told her to fook off and never come back" "Fair enough" says the Barman "What about your mate?" Fella says "I looked him straight in the eye and said 'Bad Dog'"
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