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Post by gavster on Nov 14, 2008 9:29:33 GMT 1
a kid comes home from school and says to his mum "mum i,ve a problem" she says "yell me" he tells her that boys at school are using words he doesnt understand she asks him what they are he says "well pussy and bitch" she says "oh thats no big deal pussy is a cat like our little mittens and bitch is a female dog like our sandy" he thanks her and goes to visit hid dad in the workshop he says to his dad "dad the boys at school are using words i dont know and i asked mum and i dont think she told me the exact meaning" dad says "son i told you never go to mum with these matters she cant handle them what are the words?" he tells him "pussy and bitch" dad says "ok" and pulls a playboy mag down from the shelf takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says "son everything inside the circle is pussy" "ok dad so whats a bitch?" "son" he says everything outside that fookin circle"
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Post by gavster on Nov 14, 2008 9:39:52 GMT 1
i have two dogs and i was buying a large bag of winalot in tesco and i was standing in the queue at the till a woman behind me asked if i had a dog on impulse i told her that no i was starting the winalot diet again although i probably shouldnt because i,d ended up in hospital last time but that i,d lost 50 pounds before i awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and iv,s in both arms i told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way it works is to load your trouser pockets with winalot nuggets and simply eat one every time you feel hungry and taht the food is nutritionally complete so i was going to try it again i have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story particularly a women who was behind her horrified she asked if i,d ended up in hospital in that condition because i had been poisoned i told her no it was because i,d been sitting in the road licking my balls and a fookin car hit me
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Post by J180 on Dec 2, 2008 17:16:07 GMT 1
A terrorist wearing a balcalava storms a plane waving a gun around. The terrified passengers wait in silence for him to make his demands.
The terrorist apporaches the first passenger on the plane lifts up his balacalava and says:
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes, of course" stutters the passenger not knowing why he was being asked.
The terrorist pulled down the mask and shot the passenger in the head leaving him dead on the floor and moved on to a couple in the next seat back.
He looks at the man lifts up his balacalava and says:
"Did you see my face?"
The man replies:
"No....................but my wife did" __________________
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Post by hutchydarts on Dec 2, 2008 17:21:29 GMT 1
lol classic j ;D
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Dec 22, 2008 15:15:50 GMT 1
IVE BOUGHT MY EPILEPTIC BROTHER A STROBE LIGHT FOR XMAS.HES GONNA HAVE A FIT WHEN HE SEES IT
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Post by bdoali on Jan 13, 2009 11:57:59 GMT 1
a paki just got run over and killed by a lorry outside my house i thought wow that could have been me!!! but i cant drive a lorry ;D
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Jan 24, 2009 19:30:39 GMT 1
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
no woman will ever be truly happy because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money ;D
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Jan 24, 2009 19:34:43 GMT 1
women are just like orange juice cartons.its not the shape or size that matters or even how sweet the juice is.its getting those f**king flaps open
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Post by gavster on Jan 26, 2009 11:29:53 GMT 1
upon been told of the death of tony hart morph was said to be speechless ;D
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Jan 26, 2009 14:55:42 GMT 1
Lonely Hearts Ads, what they really mean:
Adventurous = Likes anal Athletic = no tits 30-something = 41 Fun = annoying Wild = gets pissed easily Beautiful eyes = face like a bulldog licking piss off nettles Seeks knight in shining armour = ex-hubby is a f**kin nutter New-age = Hairy with smelly fanny Headstrong = argumentative Enjoys pubs & clubs = alcoholic Curvy = Fat c#nt Cuddly = Fat c#nt Likes eating out = Lazy fat c#nt
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Mar 2, 2009 17:31:14 GMT 1
what's the difference between a coffin and a vagina??
you come in one and go in the other but you got to be stiff to get into both! ;D
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Post by gavster on Mar 4, 2009 11:02:18 GMT 1
a disappointing day in the field for the sri lankans.............5 down before lunch
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Post by cadbhoy180 on Mar 5, 2009 6:52:32 GMT 1
what a result.got a new rolex watch from the lesbian girls next door. a bit of a surprise to be honest but i do remember saying last week "i wanna watch"!!!!
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Post by barndoor on Mar 12, 2009 15:33:34 GMT 1
...face to one side?, cant raise arms above the head?, slurring words?, then time to get this slags knickers off cz the rohypnol has KICKED IN...!
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Post by andrewmgan1976 on Mar 12, 2009 16:11:18 GMT 1
What does Frankie Dettori have that Gary Glitter wants?
A licence to ride 3 year olds
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