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Post by force666 on Jun 22, 2008 0:56:13 GMT 1
Q. What's an Australian kiss ?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under !
;D ;D ;D
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Post by buzz180 on Jun 22, 2008 14:00:36 GMT 1
Wife says to husband on wedding night "I bet I can make you happy, and sad at the same time" "go on then" he says "your dick is bigger than your brothers"
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Post by force666 on Jun 22, 2008 14:02:01 GMT 1
A man was walking through the desert he had not eaten for days when he came across a church he went in nelt at the alter and prayed "God God give me some food" and a lump of meat dropped at his feet overjoyed he ate the food and came back every day with the same request and was rewarded ,Untill one day a hand dropped at his feet .He locked up and there was a leper painting the ceiling
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Post by serdar on Jun 22, 2008 14:23:26 GMT 1
A man wanted to make love to his wife and asked her if she felt like it.
She replied, "Not tonight darling, I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning."
He got to thinking and he said, "You don’t have an appointment with a dentist do you?"
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Post by serdar on Jun 22, 2008 14:24:58 GMT 1
Both friends - doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl. Before going out for a week, the engineer sent a basket of seven Apples with a note" Eat an apple a day and keep doctor away". After returning, he went to girl's place and peeped from the window-- he saw apples unused, and further he saw the girl in bed with the doctor. Shocked, he shouted, "Arrey, what are you doing?" The girl said coolly ,"Instead of your apples I am using His banana a day, keep engineer away."
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Post by force666 on Jun 22, 2008 18:41:40 GMT 1
A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and, he falls down four more times. They ring the bell, and one says, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where the hell is his wheelchair?"
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Post by force666 on Jun 22, 2008 18:59:17 GMT 1
This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!" The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!" After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?" The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"
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Post by theporksword on Jun 23, 2008 12:37:25 GMT 1
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him.'Hello. My name is Carmen,' she told him. 'That's a beautiful name', he replied, 'Is it a family name?' 'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.' 'What's your name?' she asked. 'B. J. Titsenbeer', he said.
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Post by gavster on Jun 23, 2008 13:27:25 GMT 1
what has an illegal immigrant got in common with sperm?? millions of the fookers come flooding in but only one of the bar stewards works!!
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Post by Snakehipsx2 on Jun 23, 2008 22:10:40 GMT 1
A girl goes into a shop and buys 1 apple, 1 egg and 1 pie. Grocer says to girl "I bet your single!" Girl replies "How did you know that, was it because of what I just bought??" Grocer says "No, its because you're an ugly c##t"
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Post by force666 on Jun 25, 2008 21:25:27 GMT 1
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started." Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............," he sighed, ..... "Let's put all of these frosted flakes back into the box."
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Post by serdar on Jun 26, 2008 8:51:35 GMT 1
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she said.
"Where?", he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replied.
The golf pro nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
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5050
newbie
Posts: 20
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Post by 5050 on Jun 27, 2008 0:15:35 GMT 1
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE F**KING DISHES"
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Post by gavster on Jun 27, 2008 14:56:24 GMT 1
just had my registration to online dating agency rejected one of the questions was "what do you like in a woman" apparently MY COCK is not an acceptable answer!!
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Post by rpthewondermonk on Jun 28, 2008 11:16:24 GMT 1
Someone please explain adult joke thread (taste and parental warning)
I got a load, but taste....... as for parental.... why have parental warning in an adult joke thread..... defeats the thread before it f**king starts........
anyway .... jokes......
Bloke goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
Librarian looks at him and says 'f**k off, you won't bring it back'.
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